Poopin' In Public

This happened when I was kind of young.. when I was 19. I invited my 11 year old sister over to my apartment for a visit, and I took her rollerblading. It was nighttime, and there was a shopping plaza nearby that had some cool lights, palm trees and sidewalks that made it semi-interesting to skate at at night. I felt fine; there was no indication of the trouble to come. The shopping center was pretty close to my house, only a few blocks away so we skated to the plaza. While skating around the sidewalks, I felt my stomach rumble and new I had to make a really messy poop.

I skated up to the front door of the Walgreens at the end of the plaza, and pulled on it. It was locked! I had to go so bad, I was clenching my buttcheeks as hard as I could, but I could tell I was going to shit my damn pants if I didn't relieve myself soon.

I banged on the door. There was a really unempathetic teenage girl inside who said "We're closed." She just shrugged when I yelled through the galls door that I had to go to the bathroom REALLY BAD. She went back to reading some magazine, probably Pop Star or some junk. I hobbled on my skates to the back of the store while my sister tagged behind me and whined "What are you doing?"

This Walgreens was unconnected to the rest of the plaza, but it faced out from the side of the plaza and there was about 20 yards in.. wait.. this NEEDS a DIAGRAM.





Ok so, I went to the back of the Walgreens and I dropped trou right there. It was in an alley, sort of, but there was a fancy restaurant RIGHT NEXT TO US where people were eating fancy food, and hopefully not watching me poop. The window was all frosted over, and using my brilliant brain, I deduced that the people would not be able to see me with the lights on inside if it was dark where I was pooping. Hopefully.

The poop was oozy, squirty, and smelled like no human shit has ever smelled. I mean it smelled like death had crawled up my ass and died. Toad was gagging, but I made her huddle down so we would not get seen.

Anyway, with the last wetturd hanging on for dear life to my butt, a fucking COP emerged on the back side of the building. He HAD HIS LIGHT RIGHT ON US! We were on the other side of the fence, and any movement through the slats would be seen. I hissed at Toad to hunker down and STAY STILL. All I needed was the first arrest of my miserable life to be while I was babysitting my kid sister and of all things, for shitting in public. I'm certain I would not get any leniency for choosing to shit over the drain so it would wash away with the rain more quickly. And yes, I did shit while wearing rollerskates.

Because of the limited space in the tiny little alley, Toad was like, max, four feet away from my ass, with the slow, acrid, vomit-inducing smell wafting up our noses. I could hear her gagging in the dark. I felt so bad for her, I apologized over and over. She laughed and said she'd tell everyone about this. I made her promise not to, I was almost in tears at the thought.

After a couple of minutes the cop passed. I shook off the wetturd and desperately looked around for something to wipe with. I rememebred shitting in the woods as a kid, and how we used our socks. Mom always complained about our socks disappearing. No fucking way was I taking off the skates. In the dark I wasn't even 100% certain that I had not rolled in shit.

I took off my panties. I wasn't fat back then, so it was somewhat of a task to take them off while wearing skates, but I did it and wiped as neatly as I could. The bags of trash (which were awful-smelling on their own) were tied up and they were made of that thick, impenetrable plastic. I looked around for somewhere to throw the panties away. At this point, I was mentally trying to make up a story that the pile of shit beneath me was dog shit, and mentally absolving myself of the horrific crime.

So I reasoned that I should not throw the panties carelessly, but throw them in a dumpster. But then panic hit me.

The cop would be back.

If he wasn't looking for us, then he was just doing a normal patrol and he would be back on the front side of the plaza. If he WAS looking for us on purpose (say, one of the diners COULD see us through the frosted glass, and in between bites of Filet Mignon, had noticed a grown woman shitting in the alley and called the police).. if he WAS looking for us, then he would STILL be back around the front side.

I looked at the gate, clawed at it in the dark. There had, HAD to be a fucking latch! I told Toad to climb up.. no wait, there was a latch, on the other side.

I desperately clawed on the wood and found the latch. I opened it and shoved Toad through. She was protesting, she had no idea what I was talking about, how did I know the cop would be back. As I closed the gate behind us, I caught a final whiff of the awfulness and saw it in the moonlight. It looked like a giant, oversized version of that cartoonish fake dogshit you get at the joke store, you know, with the perfect swirl? I slammed the gate. The cop was right there, slowly driving across again, this time on the other side. We had fucking MADE IT.

Get DOWN! I told Toad, and we hunkered down again. Only on the back side of the gate, there wasn't a second fence to hide behind. We were exposed to the backside of the plaza. Of course I wasn't paying any attention to that at all.. we were peering through the fence back at the cop with his 1000 candlewatt light shining back and forth over us. He did not see us AGAIN! After he passed, I felt like I had just won the lottery.

I turned around. The backside of the plaza had.. people? There were people walking back and forth.. and I was stunned.. we had just hidden from a cop and no one had said anything, they'd either not noticed or not cared. This side had more light, floodlights up above. I saw that the 3 people walking were workers from the restaurant and one lady from Walgreens... and they were carrying trash to a dumpster! Ta-DA! I skated over and threw away the poo-panties. And we went home.